Today was a typical day of winter driving – snow packed roads full of morons that don’t understand the space and time continuum. By that I mean these idiots think just because they’re late, the road conditions will not affect their ability to cover the distance (space) necessary to get to work on time. With no regard for the safety of others they drive too fast for the road conditions, passing in spots that usually have double yellow lines and making an already tense situation worse. Unfortunately for them, Mother Nature, gravity, and karma have a way to teaching them harsh lessons. I love to watch when that happens…
I’ve lived in Gilpin County for many years. During those many years I’ve driven Boulder Canyon, Coal Creek Canyon, Gap Road, and Golden Gate Canyon more times than I can count on every hand in the county. I’ve probably driven Boulder Canyon the most, during snow storms that were so bad that avalanches were coming down in the “Narrows”. I’ve seen RTD buses and CDOT plow trucks turned sideways, completely blocking traffic up and down the canyon. I’ve seen ice so thick that cars were no longer driving down the canyon, they were crashing in slow motion, bouncing back and forth between the Jersey barrier and the rock walls.
I know Boulder Canyon so well that I have a mental map for the “popular” spots where cars decide that they no longer want to be on the road and would rather be in the ditch, in the creek, or just upside down. Those are the spots, like the one just below the first passing zone, where I really slow down, make sure I’m in 4-wheel-drive, and chuckle as some bone-headed Trust-a-farrian passes me in their tricked-out Subaru WRX with the low profile, high speed tires. I count to three – “one, two, three” – and when I get to “three” the brake lights come on and the car heads directly for a comfy spot in the creek where all the other cars landed in years prior. Lucky for the driver, and me, the cars have all come to a stop right side up, so I don’t feel any shame in slowly driving by and shouting out the window “I’ll call you a tow truck when I get to Boulder… in 20 minutes.” Unlucky for the driver, that same comfy spot has some really big rocks that do a number on the undercarriage, transmission, and transfer case. Oh well, I’m sure there’s plenty of money in next month’s allowance for them to pay for the repairs or just buy a whole new car.
On Highway 119 on your way to Nederland, just after you pass Kelly Dahl campground and just before you get to Highway 72, there’s a great little downhill left hand turn that always seems to catch a bunch of cars and trucks. The fun part about this little section is that folks who pass you at Kelly Dahl, crossing the double yellow line, obviously late for their yoga class, are going to wait a long time for Help Towing to arrive since there’s no cell phone signal for at least half a mile or more.
Now I’m no angle. I’ve had my share of automotive mishaps, but in my own defense I was on Tolland Road driving what I thought was a reasonable speed before the back of my truck swung around to become the front of my truck and my truck ended up on its side, stuck in a snow bank. I wasn’t driving like a lunatic. I wasn’t passing in a “no passing” zone. I was just coming back from an ice climbing adventure and the road conditions were more than my tired body could handle. Lucky for me nobody but me was involved and I didn’t hurt anything except my bank account and my driving record. Twenty five miles per hour never really seems that fast until your going backwards on an icy road, creek on one side, snowbanks on the other, wondering where and when you’re going to stop.
I know everyone reading this in Gilpin County and Nederland (a.k.a. “the locals”) has a clue what to do when the weather is bad and the driving is extremely difficult. Kind readers, do us all a favor and clue in the less experienced “low landers” you meet in Nederland or up at Eldora. It might just save them from paying for a tow truck and some body work. It might also save us all from an accident that should have been avoided. On the other had, it will reduce my winter driving entertainment… I’ll leave it up to you. Wink. Wink.
